Conversation Week: Talking About Later Life

I often recall how, when my dad was approaching retirement, he talked to me about my mum: ‘I can’t be under her feet all day, she’s used to managing her own time’. They spent time talking about their expectations and hopes for retirement, and my mum often cites this as a significant point for them, and for couples who they knew. Those who made plans and really thought about what the change would mean for them found the transition much easier.

It’s not always easy to approach these discussions about preparing for retirement, and Tavistock Relationships have been looking at a new approach to help. They provide four sessions with a therapist for a couple to think and talk together about the future, and to understand what resources they already have to draw on as they approach this transition. Tavistock Relationships have been training other therapists in this approach as well.

This is part of the Transitions in Later Life Programme, funded by the Calouste Gulbenkian Foundation (UK Branch). It is supporting organisations such as Tavistock to deliver short group-based interventions that focus on building the emotional wellbeing and resilience of people in mid-life, so they can more easily manage the changes of later life.

Jack* and his partner took part in Tavistock’s counselling as they already recognised there were issues they needed to look at, such as where they wanted to live when they retired. Their sessions moved quickly away from practical matters to more difficult territory around the emotional impact of such a major life change.

Jack and his partner had already tried to talk about certain issues related to retirement before the counselling. But the pressure of their working lives meant it was hard to find time, and these charged conversations were prone to becoming a source of disagreement.
 
Each week the sessions gave them a chance to step out of everyday life and have the space to discuss how they felt. Jack said the sessions challenged him to not just focus on the practicalities of retiring but to also consider the emotional side of the changes involved.

With the support of the therapist, they could talk about these difficult issues and find common solutions. Jack always felt more positive by the end of the hour.

Jack ended the four sessions feeling differently about the future. His attention had shifted more towards his partner and their relationship. Now, whilst they acknowledge to each other that they will need space as well as time together, they approach decisions as a unit.

The couple are now able to talk about the future in a different way, using their experience of counselling to create a safe space for discussion, sometimes imagining that their therapist is still in the room.

Jack says his view on retirement has now totally change. He now sees it less about loss and more about a chance to do something different and exciting.  

We are working in partnership with the Calouste Gulbenkian Foundation (UK Branch) to look at how more people can get the support they need to feel positive and equipped to make the transition into retirement.